Raising & discussing getting old and the subject of moving.
Timing when and how to raise the subject of a move is tricky, but I guess its never to early to talk about it.
I know people who are 40, who are trying to think of ways to extend their houses to create extra accommodation. They mention this to relatives to gauge their response.
We will put it to a different use now such as student accommodation or teenager living space. But later you can move in.
There are all sorts of options.
Friends talk about how their mum could come and live with us when she’s older. Sowing seeds and getting conversations going.
One thing is for sure and that is easy don’t leave it too late.
The implications are obvious, the person can either die or become so ill that it is not practical to do.
As mentioned above you cannot do it too soon, but when is a good time
If you drive around you can see that lots of retirement flats start at 50-55.
This seems to early to be moving into a flat, but wait until someone is 85 and thats probably too late.
I would suggest somewhere in the middle as a starting point, say late 60’s early 70’s. Although everyone is different.
Now how do you get the issue of creating new accommodation raised.
For us it was pretty straight forward. A period of illness made my mum suggest we could look after her, maybe in jest, but it did start the ball rolling.
I am sure its not always that easy.
If the relative comes out with a comment great if not then it is up to you or another person to suggest somehow.
One way is to mention newspaper articles, internet sites, in family conversations. If you know anyone else who has done the work already or who is in need of change, suggest that.
Illness or another change in life circumstance could also cause this.
Death of partner, loss of car use, moving away, it could be any number of things that change minds.
Waiting for this to happen though and you could find yourself forced into action. This can lead to mistakes as you are under pressure.
I know someone who bought an unsuitable house and annex because they were under pressure. Make sure you give yourself time, if you don’t, it can be difficult and may be too late.
But once you manage to start the conversation be subtle and kind during it.
You don’t want to scare people as it is early days, listen to their fears.
Write things down for people to look at later. Be open and chatty about the ideas.
Start a diary so that all can jot notes in it when things come up, ideas, possible solutions
One thing i would say is it is important to get other family members on board or friends.
Encourage relatives to get outside into the real world. Visit libraries, doctors, friends places they feel safe.
Try to get them to talk to others so that they get independent feedback to help them if possible.
Once the issue of creating extra space is out in the family discussions, you can proceed onto other areas.
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